||[04 Aug 2011|09:39pm]
Yesterday I painted a bedroom by myself for five hours and moved boxes for another. Today my dad and I spent four hours under the burning Carolina summer sun building floating shelves and sweating rivers. I want my own table saw badly. Hurt hearts need busy hands.
You know, it's something when hear that 90's country song, Time Marches On, in a land of otherwise terrible radio and it makes your eyes well. The open road helps it along, I guess.
||[04 Feb 2011|10:22am]
These are the plans I am trying to make work:
This spring: complete the INSANITY workout with housemates, complete short doc. piece for the Certificate in Documentary Studies (CDS), have my last birthday in Chapel Hill
Mid-June: QUIT JOB before or after going to Montreal for free with it.
June-July: Max will be here for a month where we, school and job free, will camp around North Carolina's beaches and mountains and visit my family again.
Mid-July: Go to France for a month or two months to WWOOF. Be outside instead of an office for the whole damn summer.
Late August or Late September: Max will be here again to help me move depending on the school: Go back to school!
Yeah, we fixed things and are better than ever before. Things feel great. I don't know if I'll get into the schools but if not, I'm going to move anyway and just go to my favorite one and reapply while I'm a non-degree. I also don't know if I'll get to go to France because I'm waiting late to write to the farmers there but if not, I'll just go to the West Coast and relax like I haven't done in three years.
|the weirdest week in the past four years
||[10 Nov 2010|12:08am]
From Monday, November 1 - Monday, November 8, I have done these things:
-had work for three days (M, T, W)
-had two night classes in Durham (M, W)
-went mushroom searching with housemates (M)
-captured tape footage to FCP for the first time (T)
-had all 4 wisdom teeth extracted/saw my mom (Th)
-picked up a cream dachshund puppy who had been part of a litter surrendered by the owner to a shelter (Sat)
-broken off a year and a half (oh sorry i mean a year and three months!) romantic relationship (M)
-watched at least 4 documentaries
-began a Holla Back blog for Durham/Chapel Hill (W)
-received an sweet email from a former friend who I haven't spoken to in three years (M)
It's been an incredibly hectic week with such high and low points. I'm simultaneously proud of myself, happy with my friends, happy with my house and housemates, and enamored with the puppy who sleeps on my chest (like right this moment) But I"m also tired and worn down. additionally saddened by the end of the romantic relationship.
||[11 Oct 2010|08:13pm]
Oh hey, sup livejournal.
I know noone really reads this anymore and that I never post but I'll update.
-JoMac is dead. First Laurin left then Y and L were going out of the state for a few months and would have had to get subletters and I will not live with craiglist randoms again. We had a farewell bonfire and burned things that we normally would not burn. Also I videotaped it. Bye JoMac, you were mostly good. So, Tim and I moved in with T and J. Therefore, I live in an adorable house with 5 awesome people I know. It's fantastic and pretty and we have a SUNROOM and just prettiness everywhere. Bonfires y'all
-There is also a beagle named Jackson. While this is not a dachshund, I still adore him.
-I found a program that I actually feel passionate about and even if I don't get in when I apply, I've already told the faculty there that I'll move to Albany and take post bacc classes in hopes of weasling my way in because that's how good I feel about it.
-I'm still doing that Certificate in Documentary Studies (continuing ed so it's like rapid fire learning which is ok but I'll want more in depth training which is what that program will do!)
-My friends still amaze me
-Oh and I'm still working a full-time job. meh, nothing fun to say here
-Oh and I'm still ding books to prisoners and Internationalist Books shifts
-I'm still dating Max for over a year now. I helped him move from California to Portland for school recently. He is going to get an M.A. in Special Education in the next 3 years. He is awesome even though sometimes he makes me crazy.
-It's been a wacky year, y'all.
For pictures of Portland and the old house and new house you can see...http://www.flickr.com/photos/paleworld
||[20 Feb 2010|12:12pm]
I finished a sci-fi story I wrote for and about my friend set on the North Carolina coast. There's some kudzu that camouflages a ship and something to do with lightning bugs and silos.
I went back to California for the third time in six months. Never really saw this coming. I was in his small town again, the way we like it. Cities are ok too but that's not why I go. There are pretty things in the small town like Montagne de Oro and these great trees that line the pathway until it opens out onto the beach suddenly, with rocks chiseled by wind and water. It's amazing. I like all the West Coast beauty but I'm not sure it's for me for always. I don't know if I'd want to live there permanently with the epic oceans, giant rocks and enormous cliffs that yeah, brought out tears. But I think I like more quiet scenery, things more subtle, modest. I like the North Carolina coast best. Maybe it's the familiarity but I think it may have to do with me always preferring the discreet over the blatant. Maybe a faulty personality in which I tend to identify with the quiet and something epically beautiful feels like it has a catch to it or is a bit too much...I mean to make me want to live there. This is getting stupid. I do think everything is great, in their own ways. I just prefer one for the long-term over the other.
Anyway, it's cool when you can add a person to your list of "people who get me pretty well", "people I can talk to for hours and hours" "people I can tell anything to". So, +1.
This Spring I just want to keep reading about herbs because it's one of the few things that has always undoubtedly made me happy without me questioning it. It just does and has and gets me out of any bad mood.
I guess I'll also be knowing whether I'm going back to school this year (I could writing about this forever and all the hates and loves and fears and desires and how dumb academia can be and institutions and opportunities and all the inner conflict but um, I won't. Now. But I want to do Public History and not be beaten by insular academia but to share and yeah yeah I know that a museum of southeastern u.s. radical history, um, proooobably won't ever be something I can create but if I can't figure out how to bring those elements then this is all a bad idea. Actually take that one step further. I want to travel the country with rolling exhibits.)
I've been running like every day instead of one or two times a week, maybe. It's gotten really good. It's kept me sane and happy. I do yoga in my room, light candles and incense, all that junk.
My sweetheart orders Med Deli for me as a surprise if I have a real bad day. Got Lyle to trick me into telling my favorites. And two days after I'd mentioned how I'd been considering getting a real camera, he looked around and got me an old film minolta srt 202, lenses, and photography book for my upcoming birthday.
Been hanging out with Tim a ton. It also keeps me sane/happy. Saw him in San Luis too.
It snowed in the Piedmont so everyone met at Weaver St. for a snowball fight and then s'mores and a fire at one of the houses. Then Tim and I went to an outdoor jacuzzi with two other people and it was great.
Someone I know is sailing to Hispaniola right now? Pretty jealous, I've always wanted to go, especially to Haiti. That island is just incredible. Two places so close together that are so different? Now there is this new sadness there I can't even fathom and maybe I check news about it too much because I check it multiple times a day. Whatever. Anyway I hope the person is ok and safe
And I'm moving to JoMac in May
||[06 Nov 2009|03:13pm]
Max being funny. on the internet. a few weeks after explaining how the only thing that really feels right to me and that I think about all the time is either living in a beach shack for a while or in a cabin in the woods. In the cabin scenario, a pear tree on the land is practically a must.
2:41pmC Maxwell no job, just lounging and reading
2:47pmChelsea that would be amazing. you realize that wouldn't be for another 6 months though, right? way too far away to think about
2:52pmC Maxwell you have any beaches in mind?
2:54pmChelsea IT'S LIKE 7 MONTHS AWAY
2:55pmC Maxwell GOTTA START PLANNING NOW
If you choose a beach with low amounts of drift wood, you're gonna be sittin' in a half-built shack all cold
2:58pmC Maxwell alternatively, building a shack in a very wooded area during the peak time of forest fire season - dangerous
let alone the fact that if you build a shack too close to civilization, sooner or later teens will start sneaking off and having boring sex in it
you build one too far from civilization I won't be able to hang out witchu
also usually farther from people = closer to people-killing beasts
don't make yourself a martyr for the ideal beach shack, Chelsea
||[10 Sep 2009|07:59pm]
Things I am excited about:
-that my friend from California will be here again in two weeks
-that he is bringing these amazing role playing games for us to play:
-that I am writing a totally wannabe-poetic sci-fi short story about/for that same friend and his dog set on the Southeast coast with a kudzu spaceship, silo dimension portal, and malevolent lightning bugs.
-that I am also making him chainmaille out of can tabs for more geeky rpg with his friend back home. It is calming. Mine looks like this. I have a long way to go. Save your tabs for me. I never have canned beverages.
-that sarah sent me a postcard from Sweden which, when cut, creates a 3-D paper dachshund
-cause a ruckus skill share day
-urban farm tour
-meeting new people and learning through cropmob
-that I began a Spanish class this evening in Durham and realized that despite my french inclinations, my accent is pretty good
-all the free food I just got
-Blingo Bango Bingo (though this also makes me anxious) October 1 (donate prizes, please thanks)
-not fucking this up
-that people I know are putting on a Labyrinth musical and will help
-Erin W. and Adam L. will be in town?
-eating beets and gourds
I went to the west coast finally.
It's cool when someone kisses you because you cry. because the Oregon coast is so beautiful. because they feel it? Deal with it!
We ate a lot of free veg food, hiked up a mountain, camped in the redwoods, stayed in SLO, played on the beach, walked through woods, played backgammon in a seattle park with our camping lantern and wine, got really fancy one day, saw the infamous Oregon 101 dachshund lady who I recognized from a dachshund devotion site, went to a sci-fi museum, and way more. Like I learned....to be more careful when throwing an avocado pit out of a moving vehicle, how very not different places really are, what feeling at ease with someone new is like again.
Also I discovered that strawberries in guacamole is a really really bad idea. He thinks he discovered that strawberries in guacamole is a great idea. I am right though and I'm sure you would agree.
|gingembre gingembre still my dear I'd have walked you
||[13 Jun 2009|12:29pm]
i had a dream that we could look each other in the eye at least in the face, for more than a few seconds before one of us looked away
i had a nightmare that chocolate almond milk had 19 grams of fat per half cup. This is the one that stayed with me throughout the day.
how much are harps these days? I could pick one up for $50.00 right? sure, no problem. let me know if you see any at PTA.
I'm camping up the West Coast for a tragically short period beginning in July working our way up from Big Sur to Seattle. My traveling partner is like if Moz was a comedian, toasting it all black. Too bad I'm at a point in my life where I "need" to maintain my first real job for longer or it would certainly be weeks and weeks out there.
Mike does things like this that make me smile a whole lot like when he left for a few weeks. I'm really into my house now. People are lively and sharing and caring.
In Richmond now, like right now. It was sudden. Biking to a metal show soon. My friend left for Norfolk and gave me his apartment for the night after we ate at Harrison St. Cafe so I'm hanging out with another friend tonight. I know some big-hearted. Person who I see different places but who never remembers me: your tattoos are so good.All that in past-tense. I had a REALLY good time. Hot times are great times, particularly when followed by veg breakfast and climbing around on river rocks.
These people have a farm called Circle Acres that is so intelligently planned. I went there for a few hours recently. I admire these people and will live more like them one day.
There's a theremin in my room. These things are so cool. They were invented in the early 1900's! This person is helping me re-learn violin. She is really cool.
I made a tiny vegetable garden. It is a 5x5 space...nothing huge but I love it.
Who is into this (general)?
P.S. You are invited. Keeping it classy.
|if it must break in your jaws
||[03 Apr 2009|12:22pm]
Yesterday a co-worker treated me to dinner and a few drinks and we talked for two hours. After, I tried to solicit prizes. Mike came over and watched a movie. That's how it goes lately.
Since last time, there has been
more of Internationalist Books events
Doing a few Scrap Exchange events
Getting calls from California from a good friend, getting letters from him and others.
A tea party, potlucks, birthdays, visited mother, took to the beach.
Still being ok with not having a clue
I'm running and more regularly, started a saturday morning sewing class, helping with Drag Bingo, started a zine about words and got everything for a vegetable garden. Coming up soon:
This weekend Catherine and I will finally get some quality time being in D.C. and Baltimore seeing loved ones, attending Visions in Feminism 2009 and Transmodern Festival, meeting cuties, and more. 04-04 is tomorrow.
This means that I'll miss but you shouldn't:
1.) A birthday party for someone else
2.) Southeastern Unity Conference: Sweet T!
3.) Southern Folklife Collection Record Sale
DRAG BINGO NIGHT FUNDRAISER FOR INTERNATIONALIST PRISON BOOKS
Scrap Exchange Event-Carolina Rollergirls
DIG Pie Social and Skill Share Auction
|busiest beginning evar and L words just for fun
||[18 Jan 2009|08:44pm]
This newly purchased Ella Fitzgerald record does, in such expectedly tyyyypical fashion, make me think on .... fondly but in a done, darlin! type of way.
I made a list from my planner. The details of this list are not important as it is evidence of this month being so filled (a.k.a. my bad if I haven't been there or "all there" or slow at writing you letters. It's been crazy, freal)
( Leave little doubt that the loquacious list lets into light: loving life, new lovers listening dearly in littering lambent lamps, lippitude, and losses of lousy limpets and leeching libertines but lo, lucubration, listlessness, and thoughts libidinous live on with lacking logic.... just less and less and less.Collapse )
|quinunc, analphabet, wifty
||[02 Oct 2008|07:57am]
which reminds me, I'm not 100% sure I could get this sweet hippie to go to a high tea at the Chelsea Tea and Cafe in Asheville. More like 80%. This could lend itself to a larger disappointment. Though...Catherine, Brittany, Steph, Jordy, David would be excellent tea companions. I'm going to make this happen. attn: Chubbs, I know you would go.
|monadnock, col, shoal, keelhaul
||[27 Sep 2008|05:46pm]
-the weird face scratch/love mark from Locksley has finally gone away
-Today I was surrounded by middle-class bumpkins wearing Palin buttons, dixie deer hunting shirts, "real girls eat meat" stickers, etc.
-I've been wearing my glasses the past three days. The headache finally hit...during the aforementioned time.
-I finally made it to the beach
-missing a pair of hands, set of eyes a bit
Whenever I see people lately that I do not normally spend time with and they ask me what I've been up to, I think I'll keep answering with "quality time". Nothing huge is happening... at least that I want to share openly at present. I'm not moving anytime soon (I don't count a year and a half from now as soon), I'm still in the same job I was in May, still do Scrap Exchange too, I don't have some huge trip coming up.......still though, every day something has been happening--an event, an occasion. I'm trying to read more, refresh my French, teach myself some Spanish, learn more about my bike (Chainbreaker the book is a great motivator)
The next trip I want to take is a toss-up between Atlanta and Baltimore (hi, sarah. hi, adam who won't see this. hi, hillary). Baltimore will probably win because 1.)it isn't Atlanta and 2.) I've never been. I get the feeling I'd like it. If only David wasn't in Atlanta. If only David lived right here.
8/8-Kurt (local) had his Jeopardy airing party at OCSC. This is the same guy I used to "play" with at Trivia Night which basically meant Jordy and him would answer all the questions--correctly--and I would watch.
8/9-Songs of the South on film: From Ballads to Gospel to Hip-Hop. Yeah, this would have been ok if instead of going straight from having a young mountain woman performing old ballads to a (really bad) bro/sis hip-hop duo with (really bad) back-up dancers in (really bad) costume, they had at least shown the hip-hop doc first to ease into things. It was awkward and they were so bad that I left.
8/10- From the Depths at Nightlight. Some of the greatest people. I missed them in Bloomington by a day.
8/11 - Stephanie, her apartment balcony, story-telling, getting it, and red wine. Perfect.
8/12 - 90's Dance - this was a great night
8/14 - books to prisoners, pot-luck, remarkably nice surprise afterwards
8/15 - guest
8/17 - cleaned so much house, guest
8/18 - Catherine's, churning strawberry ice cream with her and Brittany, talk
8/19 - Mouthbreather at Nightlight. Seeing the Nightlight like that was still depressing but I trust Alexis's judgement. People I like were there.
8/20 - Scrap Exchange event in Raleigh. Street Painting Festival, perfect weather, great partner (see above), ronnie/dan/sister all stopped by.
8/21 - books to prisoners, Lyle was in town from Greensboro, catch-up
8/23 - Went to hear Steph play open mic. It feels good to watch her. Even if I didn't like the music or if there was no sound at all, watching her and appreciating her as my friend is enough. Sap sap
More Scrap Exchange:
EVENT: South Boston Harvest Fest (general event/all ages)
DATE: Sat., 9/27/08
TIME: 11:00am - 3:00pm
South Boston, VA
Carrboro Music Festival (general event/all ages)
DATE: Sun., 9/28/08
TIME: 1:00pm - 6:00pm
LOCATION: Carrboro Town Hall - covered area near farmer's market
301 W. Main St. Carrboro, NC
Fall for Fairfax (general event/all ages) This is an overnight event at the Great Smoky National Park
DATE: Sat., 10/4/08
TIME: 9:00am - 6:30pm
LOCATION: Fairfax, NC
|smoking was not on the agenda, ok!!
||[08 Sep 2008|12:58pm]
I am in my sunlit office at work and my head is completely filled with thoughts on cause and domino effect, instances I believe are really just beginner's flukes, how people react, how a mess is made despite how simply things could be avoided or vice versa, the dialogue of misrepresentations-how they begin, grow, and shift-the fragility of timings, they way things could be, didn't-do's and didn't-say's and didn't-behave's, the nature of my relationships with so many people I know, dozens of people's faces and sound bytes from our interactions. Like all the musings and reflections typically generated in a whole month's time poured into a few hours to create this intumescence, this sense of nimiety. It is streaming nonsense, streaming much sense, interesting, uplifting, happy, heartbreaking, totally inconclusive. Does this happen to you every once in a while? I'm talking about the difference between normal pondering time and this kind of time. I'm talking the rare occasion, the BIG DEAL ALL DAY TIME STUMP. Whatever direction, this is blocking all ability to concentrate and get work done. I wanted to keep driving straight through the last night completely alone to a cabin that would be waiting for me, its walls lined with makeshift shelves filled to the brim with all the best music. It would be overflowing, busting, taking up the table space and nearly covering the floor. There's enough space for a small bed and the only unaffected table.
I was on a plane last night and as we descended I plugged some headphones into the plane's radio jack. While the other stations worked as they should, on number three I heard the creepiest, electronic noise, practically feedback and against this droning were the voices.....like, the Chipmunks singing pop songs. It was so so so weird and not right. I was perplexed and even flustered. It wasn't like it was some experimental radio show, it was like it really was not supposed to be happening but it kept on no matter how often I changed and went back to see. I love and hate these kind of events. Then, I was happy to be accompanied in chaos. I also believe that Xeni Jardin or a Xeni Jardin look-alike was on my flight into RDU.
Monday: Kurt's Jeopardy appearance viewing at OCSC
Tuesday: Sounds of the South on Film: Ballads to Gospel to Hip-Hop at Wilson Library by UNC’s Center for the Study of the American South; the media resources center of the House Undergraduate Library; the Southern Folklife Collection and North Carolina Collection in Wilson Library; and Friends of the Library.
Wednesday: From the Depths at Nightlight
Find me at these places. It's time to feel welcomed again. Come oooon, autumn.
|Green and Yellow Lunch
||[28 Aug 2008|12:28pm]
This was not planned but my whole lunch is made up of foods with shades of green and yellow.
1.) Asparagus Orzo (one cup)
2.) Zuccini chunks that were fried in sesame oil and soy sauce (one cup)
4.) Avacodo (one whole)
Beside my lunch box is a coffee mug filled with water. It is painted off-white and green and is in the company of a forest green filing box. These and me are all contained by the walls of my office which alternate between eggshell white and sage.
|gotta get there
||[15 Jul 2008|07:11pm]
WELL NOW. The coast sent a pair of dunes to visit for a few cucumber sandwiches but problem is they just never left. Just been sitting in my room for months now, staring at me all calm and confident. It's still early so Mr. and Mrs. Dune are minding their manners not to nag, knowing darn well the convincing power that is: not being ALL of it, not being enough. It's not a tease, just that stoic nautical presence quite, in some respects, kin to wearing a ring every day to remind you of life lost and love remaining except of course, this sparkling gold is slowly pulling and pulling strrrrrong. Might as well be sand in these small ears and stinging sea in mine eyes. Those aren't dust balls on the hardwood floors, they're sandspurs!
Edit: I guess to really maximize the on-and-on "ness" of this post I should have been listening to The Fixx-"Reach the Beach"
Over on dryer land:
at the CCB Plaza, July 18, 6 – 9pm
Featuring The Scrap Exchange, the Scene of the Crime Rovers, and the Triangle Sound Painting Orchestra....
The Scrap Exchange will produce an outdoor Swap-O-Rama Rama including a giant clothing swap and DIY stations for altering clothes. We’ll also provide a hands-on Make-N-Take with materials for participants to make fun stuff.
Bring a bag of unwanted clothes and swap, swap, swap away!
The Scene of the Crime Rovers, Durham’s one and only punk marching band, will provide live entertainment beginning around 7pm.
At dusk, there will be live music and a mixed-media audio/visual collaboration by the Triangle Sound Painting Orchestra and Jim Kellough. This performance will begin as the sun starts to set and will continue until around 9:30pm.
Sponsored by the City of Durham Department of Parks and Recreation.
Come say hi at The Scrap Exchange. I'll flap my fin hellllloooooooo
|I'll take five retro pencil dresses plz thanks
||[02 Jul 2008|08:00am]
8:00a.m. Have not been asleep because of this thing called being excited
I am to be in D.C. for fourth of July. I then decided (oh...some 6 hours ago) that I'm purchasing a ticket to Bloomington, IN. Perhaps I should not go to D.C. in lieu of that fact but it's early and I'm feeling that hiiiiiigh that comes with mornings like these AND I SAY I'M GOING TO DO BOTH.
ante-jentacular (adj.): meaning pre-breakfast.
afflatus (n.): a sudden moment of divine or poetic inspiration
c.a.f. chelsea a. flowers
what about an ante-jentacular (c)a.f.flatus? Welcome to RIGHT.HOT.NOW.
Toronto. I went there for my job. I just got there a day behind schedule after being stuck overnight in a D.C. Hilton. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with the bizarre juxtapositions my life tends to have in it. Shoulder shrug and the internet is good at giving you contacts and so I got three hours of sleep on average while I was there. Work then play with strangers/friends.
4 miles. My legs carried me that length Monday, 12 hours ago on Tuesday, and they will again right now. That's just one of the things I've been up to lately. let's get physical. self high-fives, y'all
p.s. show at the Uppercrust House tonight at 8:00. Goodbye house!
Edit: I absolutely went to D.C. and absolutely had a good tme
I absolutely bought a plane ticket to Bloomington Sept. 3-7 but the flight actually happening is not absolute
|and less like it's math.
||[24 May 2008|10:08am]
||looking forward (to)
Every day on Highway 54 when I am going home, there is a black goose, Branta, in the same spot. I am determined that it is the very same goose each day and it is always picking the grass, alone, just two yards from the asphalt.
In these past two weeks
-I began a new job which I like. I'm the editorial assistant/volunteer coordinator for something I'd rather say in person because I don't trust the internet. Two weeks from today I will be in Toronto for several days with it. I do have to commute which I do not like. It feels strange and awkward to depend on a car. We are moving in August to somewhere closer so that it will only be ten miles on the highway, which will make a difference. It is really good, 35 hours a week with full benefits and I still do scrap exchange events sometimes
-typical routine of one week hermit, one week out. The week before last it was going out to the country to buy vegetable plants for my mom, a weekend home, monday night nightlight trivia, tuesday night seeing Scott back from Germany, wednesday watching a movie with Ronnie, friday night DSI Improv which is underattended. This past week it was here in that yard, here in this room.
as well as a bright eyes box set. honestly. larsy if you see this, laugh
|no more fitting place than here in mopejournal.com!
||[15 Apr 2008|07:34pm]
do not begin beginnings. do not bother starting. do not care. do not trust. do not weigh the positive more than the negative. do not ever expect them to do the opposite. do not be willing. do not be persuaded when you were looking for nothing in the first place. do not expect. do not push through. do not do the small things. do not be surprised. do not become surprised. do not be disappointed.
do forget all of it. do follow this through-for good. do keep it closed for longer. do listen to the world of arthur russell on your runs. do be healthier for nobody but you. do candlelight. do spend that gas money and time instead on books and reading them, on music and listening to it, on postage and helping them. do ride your bike down the big hill. do it alone. do for yourself and do for who deserves it.